~~The Wall, The Sky and Me~~

I have that one unconditioned friend Who trusts me more than I do myself. She prays for my prayers to be answered And prays for me through all my times tough.. She cries with me at my agony She holds me tight when tides get rough.. And rejoices in my every tiny victory. I've been through falls and setbacks,  I've had my share of dubious luck And although my choices traumatized her too She never gave up on this ugly duck. If I could ever paint the world for her  I'd make it a pretty purple I'd add all things small, soft and pretty.. And some lillies, wine and chocolate truffle. Talking to her is always a relief We talk of drama: Korean, Chinese, Turkish, and others And although I see myself just like a goofy house elf With her I always feel like the Wright Brothers. Trying and failing and still trying to fly For the love of the differences and of our mothers. -_-_-_-

  A pretty new dress, a sweet perfume, a new haircut and shoes hand-sewn, New people, new job, but this new world felt my own. The walls looked familiar, like distant cousins or a family affair. The trees felt like sweet old people, their leaves smelled like incense air.             A random pebble, not black not brown,             Seemed comfortable in my pincer grip,             Its weight just right to be farthest thrown,             Reminded me of my favorite beach trip. The streets, the grounds, the temples, and all the sounds, Barely different from memories of the day-dream, Was I here then? Am I here now? Is it déjà vu? Or the same black currant ice cream?!             A lot has c...

Empty hearts and crowded minds, Swollen eyes and Weary souls..  Sitting still in the bright darkness,  Lost in thoughts of the battles fought, Wondering of the flaws in fondness, All the misery from the feelings caught, The forgiving but never forgetting coldness, Leaving back a teary drought.. Hope wasn't lost but faith was, Tired of living with May-bes, Whats-ifs and Just because.. One day the stars will all burn out and the sun will turn to a wisp,  One day the wounds will heal and turn crisp.. One day it won't hurt so much, as though it never mattered at all,  And that day we rise again from the shattering fall. -_-

In a world hot and cold, There has always been a friend, barely old. A friend precious like gold, She has her stories, scars and dreams untold, But she takes on everyday with a lipstick so bold. With the courage of a lioness, she lets the future unfold. She has weights to carry yet no hand to hold. And tells me what no fortuner ever foretold Everytime I broke down, everytime my feelings rot like mold, "Smile, my darling, my marigold!" "You're not done, you're not sold!" She assures me there's magic I withold. And set me right like a collar fold.  What can I say, what she means to me,  She's my survival potion in human manifold.  I cant find any more rhyming word,  But I can say she is my warrior, my sword.  She is my past lives' reward from the Almighty Lord.  =∆_∆=

 Sometimes I fail to find the right words to answer an ordinary question.. But it's not like I'm no more human,  just stuck in a possible delusion.  And when it happens, I freeze.. my muscles and my nerves loose all ease.. thoughts fill my mind like refugees.. at the borders, begging to enter "Please!" I wish I had spoken loud and clear..  But I stumbled and mumbled bare syllables with fear. Embarrassed and tired, I slide back into the sheets,  Finding peace where the eyelids meet.. On the cozy warm feathers, I fall asleep,  And wake up from the mysterious dreams I keep. °•°•°•°•°

"Should I text? Should I call? Should I share this reel?"  "Should I like that post?? How would they feel?!" Am I sane or crazy or am I just over-thinking?  And what if I get caught staring hard, not blinking..   "To hell with the world, I do what I do" I say to myself before the next breakdown comes through.. Often getting lost in theories and alternate hypotheses, I do the invisible dance without a damn clue.  Do I really want this? I wonder if its real..  The stories beyond my forehead do really appeal. But then I dreamed of dreams coming true, And woke up swearing to God: "Are you kidding? No way! Not happening in nine lives.." I thought.  So let me just keep it to myself,  my surreal little secret fantasy,  With cats and cakes and a whisky shelf,  and all the things far from reality.   = ^ - ^ =

 

 The wheels swirled and screeched, I could feel my body and my soul..  With an erratic breath, pounding heart, butterflies in my stomach and a freaking brain cramp's hold. I was genuinely excited and ridiculously nervous too.. A dream from a decade ago had now come true!  But I was riding away, far from home.. a place where I was finally comfortable and with my own.  I was sure I'd be happy but scared of the uncertainties.. And I was smiling at the play of destiny and fate and all their maladies. The wheels stopped, the destination has arrived... and into a new beginning I dived. The sea waved at me, the mountains smiled, nature welcomed me like my kin.. Well, isn't it the same place I spent my childhood in?!  I lifted my heavy head up to the sky, but did not make contact with the Almighty's eye.  And once again I stepped into a new ground to play the same old game of life.. the mysterious life i found. ~~~~~~~~~~~

Myth says that every soul has a destined soulmate,  Understanding and affectionate. We'd be made for each other, people say.. For winter, spring, summer and every monsoon day. With just so much of an affirmation we rise from our sleep, Hoping that fate will have its promises to keep. We talk, we love, we share, we forgive and care,  But to confront a doubtful heart, we don't dare. We give them the power to play with our feelings.. Thinking it's a way to show the depth of our love.  In the end, we only do get played,  And dare to dream about "What if they stayed?" We'd never know if the soulmate would ever come, Or had already left us with a sore heart.. But eventually from the day dreams we depart, staring into the endless present,  And wishing the day goodnight, we let our lonely selves rest in resent. -

  The scribblings take the front seat when I'm at the rockbottom subsurface times.. and rev up the engines..  And I spend the uncounted minutes drawing something that only my memory could perceive, feel and understand, and may be a stranger I never met would too.. That's when the mind becomes an octopus, like good old Oswald, smiling sweetly and strangling me with a million arms as i stare into those eyes...wouldn't let me fight back the tears.. and wouldn't just let me drown in the unspoken parodies, as if my socially acceptable version went paralysed...  #totheink

A promising morning, a comforting coffee,  a valiant tiny flower braving the scorching sun,  a calming tune and the involuntary tear that trickles down,  the ocean that rises only to fall and rise again with the moon,  everything harmonizes with the pain..   the pain in victory after having lost it all, the victory in peace after the last fall, the peace in not having to beg for love, for space and for time.                                                                                       After all these years, I can only appreciate these feelings like a stone, that had been beaten and loved too, treasured and thrown too...                   ...